Thursday, November 19, 2009

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

You find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me

well. i kept thinking of the lyrics when i came back. i shud stop trying to sell myself and just try to love u. this whole trying to outdo that other guy and focus on wad the hell hes doing is just gonna drive me nuts. when i play soccer. i run down the flanks, i only know how to cut and feint, some say i m one dimensional, but i guess they dont count on my explosive pace and upper body strength. i ll just play to my strengths and wad i do best. i ll try to be better, but if the winger is trying to do outdo the striker in scoring goals, then he wont concentrate on wad hes best, whereas, if he does his thing on the flanks, and gets better and better there, he may just score quite afew goals.

well. i guess the song is right. i found wad i needed to find. and i guess for me now, its just all about consistency. for you, i guess u need convincing that i m the guy for you. taking care of you and loving you cannot be seasonal, it has gotta be a lifestyle. well. i guess most important is the spiritual aspect as well. i pray and i pray i ll constantly be reminded wad God spoke to me and wad Jac prayed over me during cell. but right now, i m on overdrive. haha. throw in the God factor on a more frequent basis. and like the army song goes. I M A STEAMROLLA BABY!! lol.

fired up is awesome. but getting too smug isnt. being sorta like a celebrity and knowing all the big shots, being able to converse and speak to them openly took alot of time, adapting, hard work & convincing of capabilities and trust. so i guess i shud stop going into other domains thinking that, since i have built something in one domain, it ll apply to all the others. current score goes, plus two, minus two.

|cowpoo| 8:50 PM|

------ Monday, November 16, 2009

just a short word on QT today. i read judges 6 today cus i felt God leading me to the story of Gideon. initially. i read from verse 11. and i was wondering. why did God call Gideon a mighty man of valor??

so i read upwards. verses 4 to 6 spoke about how the produce and harvest of the Israelites were constantly taken away. they were made impoverish. they were constantly plundered and robbed by their enemies.

but Gideon was different. under a terebinth tree, he threshed wheat to hide the winepress. he treasured his produce and harvest, he is made special mention off, cus he was not robbed, nor plundered from. this shows that he was probably a very smart and resourceful guy. talents that God would later use to deliver Israel.

so wad is the definition of valor?
it is defined as the strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness : personal bravery; courage; prowess; intrepidity

heh. wow. wad a complement right.

and in verses 13 and 14. he asked God. if you are with me. why are all these things happening. and the Lord said "Have I not sent you?" Amen! its like we ask God, why this person so liddat or oh man, this person has problems, that sucks. God goes, "Have I not sent you?" Sometimes God allows a crisis into the lives of people close to us so that we can be a blessing. We were saved for good works, and we were called to be a people of love.

through the chapter. its just amazing. verses 15 and 16 shows he probably had a self esteem problem. but he was faithful nevertheless. he prayed and gave an offering [verses 18 to 21] and wad did God do, God gave him an encounter with Him and he built an alter calling it The-Lord-Of-Peace. As long as we are willing, God is able to take us and make us from a nobody into a somebody. he can take all your fears and insecurities and bring peace into your heart.

with this, Gideon did the will of God. even the unpopular. even the difficult. even when people rose against him. but the Lord lifted him up, eventually, people could see that the Spirit of God was upon him and people gathered behind him and others gathered to meet them.

what amazes me was the fleece story as well. most of us have encounters with God. or we think we do. before God can give us a complete and clear picture of His purpose and plans for us. We rush off to do His will without completely knowing wad it is. Each of us will have sure signs from the Lord when He tells us to move, when He calls us. before Gideon went out to fight the midianites, notice, he did this first, why, because he wanted to be sure he was walking in God's purpose and calling for him. He was willing and obedient, but knowing wad was at stake, he was not presumptuous of overzealous, rather he was patient, and waited for God's signs of conformation before he acted.

I wanna endeavour to be a Gideon, a man of valor, a man of patience, a man after God's calling and purpose. a man used by God to do great things. do you?

|cowpoo| 11:31 PM|

------ Sunday, November 15, 2009

i m just really thankful today.

yesterday i wasnt feeling good. i had a cough and a flu and headache. i was feeling mildly warm. and though perhaps my flu, fever cough combi that usually takes me out of action for 3 days was coming. so i told myself. wah. not bad. if i report sick after i book out. i can get 3 days of attend c. then tuesday i wont have to go back to camp to do duty since i m on leave on monday. then i thought. nah. its not very nice. i ll just ask if anyone wants to swoop. if not. i ll just do my duty. even if it means i cant spend the evening with julie. so i took redoxon and drank loads of water.

this morning. when i ended my duty. i was still feeling really crappy. in fact. my throat was worse and my nose was blocked and i had a migraine. so i was thinking. wah. liddat. how to serve. maybe i shouldnt serve. maybe i shouldnt attend service. i shud just go home and rest. but i was like. i ll just sleep awhile, then i ll serve and attend service. anyway. i wont have a chance to do that for the next 3 weeks since i m leaving for thailand. so i slept for 2 hours. woke up at 10. and flew to church from camp.

it was so interesting. the second i stepped into church. i stopped sneezing. and i stopped coughing. gradually. my headache left me. i still felt sore and blocked. but during service. i felt like everything was getting better. coupled with the herbal sweets that julie passed me. it was all the perfect remedy. thank God! and thank my dear future-girlfriend. :p

i thought pastor preached a great word today. haha. super relevant to how i have been feeling the entire week. anyway. during my own QT earlier this week, i just felt God calling me into a season of sowing into peoples' lives and striving to love them unconditionally. so i guess servanthood must be a good supplement to have. haha. i served today. was my second time. i was glad that i managed to help this guy out. he had been in church for about a month. chatted with him about church. helped him with choosing a bible. and recommended him some material that was on offer and would bless him. and i just love this feeling when u speak, two examples was when i was on the phone last night with julie and today in attributes, and u feel the spirit of God just come upon u. and as u speak and kinda listen to urself. u just go wow. and thank God that He is speaking thru u and that u can be a vessel that he can use.

well. i thought that today was one of the biggest complements i could receive. before we started serving. we prayed. before that, jiaxuan asked any two of us to pray today. so i was thinking. i wanna pray. i wanna confess the word of God. hopefully i can bless someone. so something stirred in my spirit and i prayed. it was short cus obviously i havent practiced alot and i need to pray more. but afterwards, while we were in the shop.
kelvin asked me, "hey, have u been in church for a long time."
i was like "yeah, pretty ok la. i think its about slightly more than 5 years now." and he was like, "hmm, i thought so."
then i was like "why do u ask?"
then he was like "cus of the way u pray. u pray like u have the dna of this church." and i just felt so blessed and touched.

like i was telling caleb during service when pastor kong told us to speak to our neighbours about our dreams.
1. Spiritually, i wanna grow in stature. so that i can carry a recognizable spirit of God, that can impact and bless those around me. that i can draw people unto me, whether its my friends, or strangers i speak to and serve or its my ex girlfriend whom i m trying to win back.
2. I wanna build a retail business that sells a lifestyle, rather than a product, that can influence the people of today, especially the youth.

i really hope. in the months ahead. i can draw closer to my dreams and my calling. most of all, i just wanna draw closer to God.

its been an awesome day!

|cowpoo| 5:52 PM|

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